seniorits at it's finest

Being 10 years old was possibly one of the greatest things that has happened in my life thus far. 

Think about it, not a baby or small child, but not a teenager either. I could play outside without my mother making a fuss. I could peddle my purple bike down to the convince store to get candy, and I could eat as much ice cream as I damn well pleased. I read the harry potter series religiously, and my father's shoulders were the highest place in the world. If I wanted to wear crocs and gaucho pants, nobody would judge me, because I was adorable. 

Eight years have passed and I am no longer adorable. 

I spend the majority of my life in a crowded building with other adolescents, some resembling the faces and attitudes of adults, and others with the biceps and maturity of 13-year-olds. To think that there are nearly 2,500 other people I see in that building every day, yet I can count out the amount of people I actually associate myself with on both hands. 

I cover the face that God has graced me with in mass amounts of makeup to meet an appearance exceptional to acne covered, horny 17-year-old boys. Why I do it, God may only know. I've been called a "slut" or "whore" more times than I can count, yet I'm still a virgin. My worth is calculated into a grade point average by eight adults that do not know me personally, and probably do not like me. My gpa is a pointless number that defies my intelligence and I in no way shape or form, yet to college board of admissions, it determines my future. 

I am not high school. I am not the opinions of people that know my name and face and only my name and face. I am the songs I listen to driving in my car with the windows rolled down on a warm evening. I am the tears that I've shed into my pillow numerous times when I've felt completely alone. I am every good and bad decision I've ever made. I am the light in my eyes when I hear your name. I am every chai tea latte and dirty dr. pepper I've consumed in the past six months. I am the stupid jokes I make that I still laugh at when I'm alone with my thoughts. 

I've laughed and cried and sang and danced and read and slept and hoped and dreamed myself into the person I am today. And so are you. So the next time someone tries to tell you that you are just a high school student, or that you can't accomplish anything because of your gpa, or judges you for your appearance instead of you character, remember these words. You are so much more. 

May 28th, please come faster. 

project #1

I believe that everyone is special. Sometimes, we forget that. It's easier for others to see the good in us than it is for ourselves, which is why for my project, I'd like to take a moment to explain why I think each and everyone of you are amazing as individuals, and in this class. 

Jess ~ I remembering meeting you back at Timberline in 7th grade. I've always thought you were incredible. You speak your mind and always stand up for what you believe in, which I admire. You are so talented and your blog is probably one of my very favorites. 

Annie ~ I met you back in CWI, and I was so happy that another junior was in the class, because I felt so intimidated by the hot senior boys in there. You are adorable. Not to mention a lot stronger than you think.

JJ ~ Can I just say that you pull off red lip stick unbelievably well? I love the positive energy you bring to this class, and your blog. 

Cassidy ~ You are absolutely gorgeous. Not only on the outside, but on the inside too. Your writing gives me chills, and I admire that you always try to comment on every one's blogs. Keep it up. 

Morgan ~ You have such a sweet, positive spirit. I love that you do so much for others. I may not know you on a very personal level, but from your writing, I can tell that you deeply care for everyone around you. This school needs more people like you. 

Sam ~ You are possibly one of the most talented people in this class. Your blog posts never cease to amaze me, or make me laugh. You are hysterical. I can easily see you being very successful and living in New York in the future. 

Natalie ~ You are a crack up. I love your quick witted humor and all of your comments in class. Also, I was glad you performed for us last time, you have a very beautiful voice. 

McCall ~ You are probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, (not coming off as a lesbian or anything), but you really are. On top of that, you are a beautiful writer. 

Ashley ~ I was blown away by your project. Your voice is AMAZING. Talent like that will take you very far. 

Madeline ~ You are absolutely adorable. I don't know what it is about you, but you carry this essence of light and love everywhere you go. Your an incredible writer and an even better musician. 

Micah ~ I think you're just great. I love that you are never afraid to be yourself. You are never quick to judge others, and you express that individuality is important. PS, I think your talents for costume makeup are so unique and unreal. 

Reagan ~ You're such a brilliant writer and an even more brilliant student. You have so many talents, from academics to athletics, and you pull them off beautifully. 

Hailey ~ I'm so glad that you are apart of this class. You have enough talent to make any director proud, and I see an acting career in your future. 

Mallary G. ~ You have so much talent and potential. I love your writing, and your courage to always get up in front of the class and present your work, that's not as easy as it looks. 

Mallory O. ~ Thank you for coming to Lone Peak and joining our class. You are such an unreal singer, and I love how you've had the courage to share that with us on multiple occasions. 

Kailee ~ Your writing is so deep and realatable and beautiful and I love everything about your blog. Also, I love your sense of style and everything you wear. 

Abigail W ~ You have the sweetest disposition. I love that you are always so kind to everyone, and you encourage everyone in the class by commenting on their blogs. Not to mention your hair is absolutely unreal. 

Abigail N ~ You have such a big heart, and are always so quick to serve others, in this class, in this school, and down in Mexico. I hope you become the first female president of the united states. 

Natty ~ You have such a sweet personality and your writing is beautiful. I'm so glad you're in this class. 

Sara ~ I remember way back when you used to be in my ward. I wish you still were. You have such a unique personality that I admire so much, and you're the type of person that everyone can always count on, and that's so important. 

Megan ~ I LOVE your writing. You always have such profound things to say, and I just love it. On top of that, you're just super adorable and I love your sweet personality. 

Cj~ Can I just tell you how cool I think you are? Your a talented writer and photographer and your style is killer. I love your blog and everything else you bring to this class. 

Emma ~ You are hysterical. You always have something funny to say, and those are my favorite type of people. I also love that you are not afraid to share your writing. You definitely have some real talent. 

Saige ~ I don't know what it is about you, but you're just the type of person that people want to be around. When you walk in the room, every one's eyes are always on you. You are gorgeous and talented in so many aspects. So jealous. 

Hannah ~ I remember meeting you in Mr. Session's fourth grade class. We had some real good times like the party we threw in fifth grade with Caitlin Edmund (lol). You've grown into such a beautiful human being, and I hope you win tons of grammys in the future. 

John ~ You are so incredibly talented. Your band is unreal, and I hope you guys get huge, because you deserve it. 

Isaac ~ I absolutely love it whenever you share in class. You are one of those types of people who will speak, and everyone will want to listen to what you have to say, and that's amazing. 

Colby ~ You bring so much life to this class. You are hilarious, talented, and hands down such a fantastic person. We're lucky to have you. 

Tanner T ~ You are so hilarious. I'm so glad that you are apart of this class. You never cease to make us laugh, and it's props to you for always making a class of a lot of beautiful girls laugh. 

Tanner J ~ I love that your writing is always so deep and personable. You're an incredibly sweet kid, which is rare to find. 

Cole ~ You have some mad rapping skills. And you have some pretty cool hair. It's sick.

Micheal ~ I love that you are not afraid to be yourself. Your animated voices are great and your always such a pleasure to be around. 

McKay ~ You are one cool dude. From your style, to music taste, to writing, it's all sicker than your average. 

Nelson ~ Thank you for deciding to become a teacher. Thank you for inspiring a bunch of high school kids to become successful and talented adults. Thank you for giving us criticism, praise, and yelling at us when we deserve it. If more teachers were like you, high school would be a better place. You save our lives every day. 

It doesn't take much to make people happy, or show that you care. Everyone is unique. Everyone is special. Everyone is important. 

you

I wish you could understand how much I truly love you.

I wish I could understand why I love you so much.

My parents think I've lost my mind because at this very moment, you're sitting in a jail cell and it still doesn't change the way I feel about you.

You attempted to do something horrible, and it doesn't bother me one bit, and that terrifies me.

Everyone tells me that I'll move on once I graduate and leave this two-star town and attend college, because that's where I'll meet the love of my life, but they don't realize that I already met him on November 1, 2012, the day I met you.

I remember the one and only time I saw my Father cry. I was 12, and my parents' marriage was falling apart. She had just had another baby, and starting spending too much time on social media, rekindling relationships she had in high school. A month later, she left for california, with the intentions to never return, but he was going to stop her. He had a van full of four small children, an empty wallet, and a broken heart, but he still followed her. He followed her into the night, when I awoke to find him, listening to the scientist by coldplay, and crying, thinking that nobody would see him. But I saw him. And that's when I realized that I never wanted to be anybody's anything. I didn't want to fall in love with anybody. I would rather be alone.

But after I met you, I decided I didn't want to be alone anymore.

You were interesting and different and I liked that.

You always spoke your mind, regardless of what anyone else thought. You made people happy and actually cared about those around you. You always had something to say that would make me laugh or smile. You were not like other 16-year old boys. And I liked that because I hate 16-year-old boys.

I wish you could understand that on January 2, 2015, we kissed and since then, the way I think and feel isn't the same.

I kissed 18 other boys before you, and nobody was like you.

Iv'e kissed three other boys since you and none of them were like you.

What I'm trying to say is I don't want anybody else except for you, and I wish you could understand.

I've spent the last 73 days missing you and crying about you, and I wish you understood.

My parents are going to start making me see a therapist, because they don't want to understand.

And it's not January 2nd. It's not 3:00 am. I'm not making you velveeta macoroni, and you're not making me tea.

I've spent the last 73 days trapped inside a box that's getting smaller.

And it's all because I'm in love with you.