farewell address (i guess)

I still remember the first day of high school. 

braces, bright blue skinny jeans, and I forgot my bra at home (don't ask). 

I felt like lone peak high school was the largest building in the world, and I could barley walk through the halls. I remember I felt really bad ass because I could go to mcdonalds at lunch and get a frappucino with my friends, and no one could stop me. 

It's literally blowing my mind as I sit here reminiscing, thinking about what a long road it's been to get myself from there to here. 

As a senior part of the 2015 graduating class of this world class high school, I should give the underclass some advice, right? 

Go to class. It will save you a million heartaches when they call you into the attendance office to give you that friendly reminder that you have 87 attendance schools that need to be done by may 22nd.

Do your homework. It doesn't matter if it's 3pm or 3am, just get it done, and you will reap the benefits. 

Don't let people walk all over you. It's better to be "that bitch" who always speaks her mind and gives an opinion than a stepping stone for everyone else. 

Boys in high school ARE NOT WORTH IT LADIES. There's gonna be like one in a hundred that may be worth your time, and believe me, it takes a lot of time to find him. If you ever find yourself blowing off your friends for him, or fighting with your parents because of him, just drop him. (Boys, this can apply to you too)

It's okay to be alone. It's okay to feel sad. Don't let your parents or a therapist or anyone tell you different. 

If you need help, PLEASE ASK FOR IT. I would've never been able to get through depression or an eating disorder if I didn't ask for help. It's scary, but it's worth it. 

Sometimes, you have to be your own biggest cheerleader. People may leave you or treat you poorly, but it isn't your fault, and better things await you. 

I may be graduating, but I still don't even know it all. But what I do know is, I found myself this year. I've never known a clearer picture of who I am or who I want to become, and that makes me so so happy. I've learned that my failures are just learning experiences. I've learned that knowledge is power, and discovered my new found respect for where I live and what I am able to do. I've learned that I love my family more than anything else, even when it seemed like I didn't. I've learned that losing childhood friends is hard, but it's part of growing up. I've learned that people are beautiful, and everyone doesn't have to be just like you to gain respect or friendship. I've learned that people are worth fighting for, and if you want something, there's actually nothing in your way from stopping you.

Thank you to Nelson and the entire CW2 class for creating an enviorment where people can just be themselves, after all, we are all writers. 

I wish each and everyone of you the best, whether it be going to school, starting a career, serving a mission, and one day, starting families of our own. 

Nelson, just keep doing you. 

JJ- or Kate Evergreen

I'm sorry for doing this so late. I know, I suck. But this was something I needed to do. Your blog is too good to not.

JJ ~ From reading your blog posts, and having you around class, I can tell that you have such a sweet spirit. Your writing is different from others because your focus seems to more on optimism, and that's hard to find within high school students nowadays. 

A high school seniors blog can say more about them than anything else, and I can tell that you are a consistent person. You post every week, and I think that's fantastic. I wish I could have that type of diligence. 

Also, when I visit your blog, I just feel happy. The pictures on your blog are perfect, I love all the music- it's just good vibes all around. 

My favorite post of yours was "words we swallowed" from April 14th. This post is about love, and it's relateble. It's an awkward first love, where you both know you want and what you feel, but just can't come up with the guts to say it. The best line was "people call us complexity, we want to be called clarity.." That's such a golden line. I hope one day in the near future, you'll find that, and he'll be the first to say it. (and your mom won't be mad this time) :)

Other Posts worth the read:

bittersweet

if you really knew me

irises 

reality 

love is absolute 

why we need feminism

I'm often asked by my relatives and other adults why I've never had a serious boyfriend before.

Sometimes I find myself asking the same thing.

It's not that I haven't had any opportunities, or that I don't want one, but I just haven't found the one.

Sometimes, I'm lonely enough that I want to find myself one, but then I see things like this and remember why I'm still single.

I'm not trying to say that every teenage boy in Lone Peak High, American Fork High, or even Utah County thinks this way, there are still boys who write poetry and take special needs girls to prom, but the pickings are slim.

For every white, wealthy, Christian male out there, I am going to tell you why feminism is important, right now.

Feminists are not man-haters. The correct term for a someone who hates or feels superior to men is called a Misandrist. Being a Feminist simply means that we are advocates for equality, and for heavens sake people, its 2015, we should all be expanding our minds and supporting each other by now.

I was lucky enough to be raised by a man who taught me to always stand up for myself, and to never let a man make me feel like I was any less than he. I'm the type of person who doesn't let anybody push me around, and I ESPECIALLY won't stand for being demeaned or treated poorly due to my gender.

From time to time, it may seem like I have it hard, but I can't even begin to fathom the struggles women in other countries face every single day. In the United States of America, I can receive an education. I can own a home, land, and a vehicle. I can vote for the leader of our country. I can become anything I want to become, even though some may make it harder for me or pretend like I'm not capable of living out my full potential. But I still can. However, in Islamic, African, Asian, and other countries of the world, women have absolutely no rights. They can not read, write, drive, vote, dress, or even communicate how they please. They are beaten, raped, mutilated, sold, violated, deprived, and even killed, just for the sake of being women, and nothing in this world makes me more livid than those facts. I'd like to see some asshole who thinks we don't need feminism travel to a brothel in India or a burn victim colony in Iraq and tell that to the women there.

Ladies, I'd like you all to know that you are beautiful and smart and strong and powerful and you can become anything you want. You are important. Never let a man treat you like you aren't, because we are. Biologically, we are a lot cooler. We can bleed for a week straight and still survive, and sustain human life within our own bodies. Never be with a man who doesn't understand the importance of you and what you are capable of. Gentlemen, if you respect women, God bless you. But if you don't shame on you. If you are a so called "meninist" then screw you. If you have a big ego, then I understand that you either have little confidence, (or perhaps a little something else, but I want go there). And if you believe that women's only roles are in the house or the kitchen, then go pick yourself up a copy of the Feminine Mystique by my girl Betty Friedan and learn a thing or two.

And lastly, Carter Childs, if you had an ounce of intelligence in your body, then you would understand that you can't compare one group of people who seek equality with a terrorist group who killed off nine million people, and expect a good laugh out of your followers. You're an asshole, and I hope you never get laid.

seniorits at it's finest

Being 10 years old was possibly one of the greatest things that has happened in my life thus far. 

Think about it, not a baby or small child, but not a teenager either. I could play outside without my mother making a fuss. I could peddle my purple bike down to the convince store to get candy, and I could eat as much ice cream as I damn well pleased. I read the harry potter series religiously, and my father's shoulders were the highest place in the world. If I wanted to wear crocs and gaucho pants, nobody would judge me, because I was adorable. 

Eight years have passed and I am no longer adorable. 

I spend the majority of my life in a crowded building with other adolescents, some resembling the faces and attitudes of adults, and others with the biceps and maturity of 13-year-olds. To think that there are nearly 2,500 other people I see in that building every day, yet I can count out the amount of people I actually associate myself with on both hands. 

I cover the face that God has graced me with in mass amounts of makeup to meet an appearance exceptional to acne covered, horny 17-year-old boys. Why I do it, God may only know. I've been called a "slut" or "whore" more times than I can count, yet I'm still a virgin. My worth is calculated into a grade point average by eight adults that do not know me personally, and probably do not like me. My gpa is a pointless number that defies my intelligence and I in no way shape or form, yet to college board of admissions, it determines my future. 

I am not high school. I am not the opinions of people that know my name and face and only my name and face. I am the songs I listen to driving in my car with the windows rolled down on a warm evening. I am the tears that I've shed into my pillow numerous times when I've felt completely alone. I am every good and bad decision I've ever made. I am the light in my eyes when I hear your name. I am every chai tea latte and dirty dr. pepper I've consumed in the past six months. I am the stupid jokes I make that I still laugh at when I'm alone with my thoughts. 

I've laughed and cried and sang and danced and read and slept and hoped and dreamed myself into the person I am today. And so are you. So the next time someone tries to tell you that you are just a high school student, or that you can't accomplish anything because of your gpa, or judges you for your appearance instead of you character, remember these words. You are so much more. 

May 28th, please come faster. 

project #1

I believe that everyone is special. Sometimes, we forget that. It's easier for others to see the good in us than it is for ourselves, which is why for my project, I'd like to take a moment to explain why I think each and everyone of you are amazing as individuals, and in this class. 

Jess ~ I remembering meeting you back at Timberline in 7th grade. I've always thought you were incredible. You speak your mind and always stand up for what you believe in, which I admire. You are so talented and your blog is probably one of my very favorites. 

Annie ~ I met you back in CWI, and I was so happy that another junior was in the class, because I felt so intimidated by the hot senior boys in there. You are adorable. Not to mention a lot stronger than you think.

JJ ~ Can I just say that you pull off red lip stick unbelievably well? I love the positive energy you bring to this class, and your blog. 

Cassidy ~ You are absolutely gorgeous. Not only on the outside, but on the inside too. Your writing gives me chills, and I admire that you always try to comment on every one's blogs. Keep it up. 

Morgan ~ You have such a sweet, positive spirit. I love that you do so much for others. I may not know you on a very personal level, but from your writing, I can tell that you deeply care for everyone around you. This school needs more people like you. 

Sam ~ You are possibly one of the most talented people in this class. Your blog posts never cease to amaze me, or make me laugh. You are hysterical. I can easily see you being very successful and living in New York in the future. 

Natalie ~ You are a crack up. I love your quick witted humor and all of your comments in class. Also, I was glad you performed for us last time, you have a very beautiful voice. 

McCall ~ You are probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, (not coming off as a lesbian or anything), but you really are. On top of that, you are a beautiful writer. 

Ashley ~ I was blown away by your project. Your voice is AMAZING. Talent like that will take you very far. 

Madeline ~ You are absolutely adorable. I don't know what it is about you, but you carry this essence of light and love everywhere you go. Your an incredible writer and an even better musician. 

Micah ~ I think you're just great. I love that you are never afraid to be yourself. You are never quick to judge others, and you express that individuality is important. PS, I think your talents for costume makeup are so unique and unreal. 

Reagan ~ You're such a brilliant writer and an even more brilliant student. You have so many talents, from academics to athletics, and you pull them off beautifully. 

Hailey ~ I'm so glad that you are apart of this class. You have enough talent to make any director proud, and I see an acting career in your future. 

Mallary G. ~ You have so much talent and potential. I love your writing, and your courage to always get up in front of the class and present your work, that's not as easy as it looks. 

Mallory O. ~ Thank you for coming to Lone Peak and joining our class. You are such an unreal singer, and I love how you've had the courage to share that with us on multiple occasions. 

Kailee ~ Your writing is so deep and realatable and beautiful and I love everything about your blog. Also, I love your sense of style and everything you wear. 

Abigail W ~ You have the sweetest disposition. I love that you are always so kind to everyone, and you encourage everyone in the class by commenting on their blogs. Not to mention your hair is absolutely unreal. 

Abigail N ~ You have such a big heart, and are always so quick to serve others, in this class, in this school, and down in Mexico. I hope you become the first female president of the united states. 

Natty ~ You have such a sweet personality and your writing is beautiful. I'm so glad you're in this class. 

Sara ~ I remember way back when you used to be in my ward. I wish you still were. You have such a unique personality that I admire so much, and you're the type of person that everyone can always count on, and that's so important. 

Megan ~ I LOVE your writing. You always have such profound things to say, and I just love it. On top of that, you're just super adorable and I love your sweet personality. 

Cj~ Can I just tell you how cool I think you are? Your a talented writer and photographer and your style is killer. I love your blog and everything else you bring to this class. 

Emma ~ You are hysterical. You always have something funny to say, and those are my favorite type of people. I also love that you are not afraid to share your writing. You definitely have some real talent. 

Saige ~ I don't know what it is about you, but you're just the type of person that people want to be around. When you walk in the room, every one's eyes are always on you. You are gorgeous and talented in so many aspects. So jealous. 

Hannah ~ I remember meeting you in Mr. Session's fourth grade class. We had some real good times like the party we threw in fifth grade with Caitlin Edmund (lol). You've grown into such a beautiful human being, and I hope you win tons of grammys in the future. 

John ~ You are so incredibly talented. Your band is unreal, and I hope you guys get huge, because you deserve it. 

Isaac ~ I absolutely love it whenever you share in class. You are one of those types of people who will speak, and everyone will want to listen to what you have to say, and that's amazing. 

Colby ~ You bring so much life to this class. You are hilarious, talented, and hands down such a fantastic person. We're lucky to have you. 

Tanner T ~ You are so hilarious. I'm so glad that you are apart of this class. You never cease to make us laugh, and it's props to you for always making a class of a lot of beautiful girls laugh. 

Tanner J ~ I love that your writing is always so deep and personable. You're an incredibly sweet kid, which is rare to find. 

Cole ~ You have some mad rapping skills. And you have some pretty cool hair. It's sick.

Micheal ~ I love that you are not afraid to be yourself. Your animated voices are great and your always such a pleasure to be around. 

McKay ~ You are one cool dude. From your style, to music taste, to writing, it's all sicker than your average. 

Nelson ~ Thank you for deciding to become a teacher. Thank you for inspiring a bunch of high school kids to become successful and talented adults. Thank you for giving us criticism, praise, and yelling at us when we deserve it. If more teachers were like you, high school would be a better place. You save our lives every day. 

It doesn't take much to make people happy, or show that you care. Everyone is unique. Everyone is special. Everyone is important. 

you

I wish you could understand how much I truly love you.

I wish I could understand why I love you so much.

My parents think I've lost my mind because at this very moment, you're sitting in a jail cell and it still doesn't change the way I feel about you.

You attempted to do something horrible, and it doesn't bother me one bit, and that terrifies me.

Everyone tells me that I'll move on once I graduate and leave this two-star town and attend college, because that's where I'll meet the love of my life, but they don't realize that I already met him on November 1, 2012, the day I met you.

I remember the one and only time I saw my Father cry. I was 12, and my parents' marriage was falling apart. She had just had another baby, and starting spending too much time on social media, rekindling relationships she had in high school. A month later, she left for california, with the intentions to never return, but he was going to stop her. He had a van full of four small children, an empty wallet, and a broken heart, but he still followed her. He followed her into the night, when I awoke to find him, listening to the scientist by coldplay, and crying, thinking that nobody would see him. But I saw him. And that's when I realized that I never wanted to be anybody's anything. I didn't want to fall in love with anybody. I would rather be alone.

But after I met you, I decided I didn't want to be alone anymore.

You were interesting and different and I liked that.

You always spoke your mind, regardless of what anyone else thought. You made people happy and actually cared about those around you. You always had something to say that would make me laugh or smile. You were not like other 16-year old boys. And I liked that because I hate 16-year-old boys.

I wish you could understand that on January 2, 2015, we kissed and since then, the way I think and feel isn't the same.

I kissed 18 other boys before you, and nobody was like you.

Iv'e kissed three other boys since you and none of them were like you.

What I'm trying to say is I don't want anybody else except for you, and I wish you could understand.

I've spent the last 73 days missing you and crying about you, and I wish you understood.

My parents are going to start making me see a therapist, because they don't want to understand.

And it's not January 2nd. It's not 3:00 am. I'm not making you velveeta macoroni, and you're not making me tea.

I've spent the last 73 days trapped inside a box that's getting smaller.

And it's all because I'm in love with you.

hello, this is me

my name is taylor anne eastman. 

born august 16, 1996 at approximately 6:15 p.m. in anaheim, california to sandra and zachary. 

according to the zodiac signs, i'm a leo.

leos are bossy, head strong, and tend to analyze situations in a savvy way, which are all relevant to me. 

they are also natural born leaders, brave, and always correct in their statements, which are all traits i do not acquire. 

according to my mom, i have a bitchy looking face. she's right to some extent, however, i'm a lot nicer than the look usually displayed on my face while in sitting in class or walking the hallways. trust me. 

if the olympics gave out medals for procrastination, i would take home gold. 

i always tell my sister i hate her, but in reality she's my favorite person in the world and i wish i were more like her.

i'm awful at making pretty looking things, but i can always tell you the truth.

i don't sugarcoat anything. 

i can't love anyone without hating something about them. 

and i don't do things to please others, i don't live for opinions. 

xoxo, taylor